5 year chapter

today I closed a 5 year chapter in my life, it has been over for 2 months, but i finally got all of my things.

it was difficult to have someone begging me to stay, but I did all that I know for a man who took me for granted.

i woke up early before work to make him breakfast and make sure dinner was ready even if i wouldn’t be home to eat it.

i washed his clothes, cleaned the entire house, and made sure the sheets were clean every friday when he came home.

all that i could do for a man i did for him.

i never complained when he went out with his friends and his friends always invited me out with them because they knew i was cool and down for what ever.

he drank too much all the time and i would pick him up even when i had to be up at 7am and he was calling at 3am.

i was the best he could’ve had at the time.

i wasn’t overbearing or always in his phone.

i was always trusting and i never yelled at him.

along the way i lost love for him because he could not appreciate who i was.

so now here i am.

loving myself because i know not everyone would do what i did for him and because at the end of the day i was an amazing girl and he will tell everyone that.

when you take people for granted you lose them so he lost me.

i care about him as a person, but i no longer feel that love for him.

love

I fell in love once in my life.
I thought it would last forever.
All I know is him.

Love made me stupid.
It took away part of my life.
When you love they should make you a better person and love you in every way.

Love is complicated.
It can destroy you just as much as it brings you happiness.
Love will put the missing pieces back together.

you

your lips on my lips.
your hands on my hips.
the sound of your voice.
skin on skin.
the way your eyes light up.
the way you listen to every word.
maybe it seems absurd.
I'm the talker, you're the listener.
you are a lover.
you love your family and you are always their for them.

I like you.
If you can't tell I like you a lot.

him

This is for you.
When all else was falling apart you were there to keep me together.
You've shown me what life can be like.
You've brought a happiness into my life.
I like you.
I like your smile.
I like your sense of humor.
I like the way you tell me I'm beautiful when I'm so plain and messy.
The way that you aren't afraid to show me you care.
Even if this leads to a dead end, know you were special to me.

home

The days I have to stay in this place called "home" are the days in which my mind runs wild.
This place is a facade.
You would think you know everything that goes on here, but it's always a new argument.
It stirs an emotion inside of me that will soon consume me.
I don't want to be the person I am when I'm "home."

Different

I remember I always felt so different. I never felt like I was part of the group. I never felt like I have truly ever belonged. The people always try to draw me in and somehow I end up as the outsider again. I am so different.

I always wanted the long hair.

I always wanted the tan skin.

Somehow i was created to be the different one.

It’s created so many issues not being the same as my family members.

I remember on my birthdays I would wish to be the same as my siblings and each year I was disappointed again.

This has wreaked havoc on me for eternity.